Monday, January 23, 2012

Seven Wants

I am a person who wants things, lots of things, all the time. These aren't always material things, but often they are. I am participating in an online study of a book called Made to Crave, so wants are on my mind right now. The premise of the book is this: we were made to crave all sorts of spiritual things, but we try to satisfy those cravings with material things. The concept isn't new to me, but I am trying to pay closer attention to my cravings and how I respond to them. So, with that in mind, here are seven wants...

{1} My boys to be obedient and kind. I am aware that this isn't going to happen overnight. Raising children into adulthood is hard work, and I am not always up to the task. I also have to admit that, quite often, my boys ARE obedient and kind. They are especially obedient and kind when I am not the person they need to obey and be kind to. I'm sure other moms can relate. What I crave, I suppose, is for my children to be people I enjoy spending time with. Sometimes they are. I see glimpses of the people they will grow into, and I like a lot of the things I see.

{2} To somehow be closer to my family and friends. I have to drive 3 hours or so to see Leila or Cat, and I have to drive 9 hours to see Ashley, Rebecca, Kimmi, etc... My family is also 9 hours away. I have never experienced life as an adult with my family close at hand. Lately, I get lonely easily, but not lonely for people in general. I specifically wish to be close to the people who know me better than I know myself.

{3} A wardrobe that is both comfortable and flattering. I have gained weight, and I am okay with that. I don't hate my body or anything. I just want to dress it appropriately. The clothes I used to wear are tight in all the wrong places.

{4} To begin publishing books. In 2011, I completed two manuscripts. One is a middle-grade fantasy novel and the other is a book about a girl who tells lies. I also finished a 10,000 word short story/novelette (not kid-lit) and began brainstorming a picture book with a friend. I am now working on another children's book. This one is about a magic library discovered by two children in Eastern Kentucky circa 1950.

{5} Not just survive but thrive in 2012. That sounds all gimmicky, but it's really not. What I mean is this: Corey has one year left in seminary. He graduates in December. This will be a LONG year. I will be spending the majority of my weekends alone with the boys. I am the kind of person who needs me-time. Solitude becomes me. Constant noise and neediness makes me want to scream and cry and hide in my room. There will be little to no solitude for me this year. I am, quite frankly, terrified. So, when I say I want to do more than just survive, I am being serious. I would like to come out of 2012 without having to recuperate in a sterile white-walled asylum.

{6} To travel. I am always dreaming about far away places. I haven't even renewed my passport, which expired in 2008. There's been no need. People around me make the pilgrimage to Israel or plan summer trips to England and France. I listen to stories from friends who recently spent time in Greece or Italy. My travels are confined to this country, thus far. I make it to South Carolina to see my family, a couple times a year. I finally made it back home to Kentucky for all too brief a visit in 2011. We go to Knoxville for weekends with Corey's parents and I drive to Jackson to see friends. I do my real traveling within the pages of books, and that is both wonderful and sad. I close a novel and feel as if I've been on a glorious voyage, but I also feel a new ache inside... yet another place I may never see in my reality.

{7} Write longhand easily. Carpal tunnel has always popped up in my life, here and there. Usually my hand will cramp if I write too much at a time or use a skinny pen instead of my Dr. Grip. When I was pregnant with Haydn, my thumb remained numb until I was almost a month postpartum. Lately, I can type without issue, but writing makes my whole hand feel fat and tingly. I wake up in the morning with a numb arm and fingers. I wear a wrist brace, and it makes things better about 80% of the time, but it is annoying to sleep in. I love journaling, and I am currently filling the pages of a beautiful Italian leather book my friend, Desiree, bought for me. However, most days, I look at the book and back at my hand and skip writing to avoid carpal tunnel issues. This is not cool.

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