Friday, December 9, 2011
1. I have awful social anxiety. I will talk myself out of attending events I really want to attend, because I make myself sick thinking about them. I just don't know the right things to say and do sometimes.
2. Sometimes, I wonder if Haydn's Asperger's is a compounded version of all my "quirks." I can't stand the sound of someone swallowing loudly, like when the boys are really thirsty and down their water like they've never seen the stuff before. I have a very low tolerance for frustration. I prefer to be alone, nine times out of ten. I have obsessions. When I am overwhelmed, I just shut down. There's more, but that's enough confessing for now.
3. I like writing for kids better than for adults.
4. I like being smart. Pride goes before the fall, so I'm sure to do something incredibly stupid tomorrow. As if the incredibly stupid mistakes I made all week weren't enough. Seriously though, I was called a genius by one doctor who tested my IQ, and I love that.
5. I don't enjoy major holidays. There is so much pressure to have family togetherness, and I just end up stressed out. Most of that pressure comes from me. This is also true for my birthday. I countdown to my birthday, but it rarely lives up to expectation, with a few exceptions. I mean, do I really expect the entire world to stop and shower me with presents? Yes, judging by the deflated feeling when that very thing doesn't happen, I do.
6. Food is my drug. I feed all of my emotions. I eat ice cream straight from the carton. I bake pans of brownies just for myself. Would I like to be as thin as I was pre-babies? Sure. Do I want a beautiful body more than I want the Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake that just came out of the oven? Nope. Sure don't.
7. I am jealous of the fabulous bloggers who always get a bajillion comments. There, I said it. Not jealous in the "I hate you and want to tear you down for being better than me" kind of way. Just jealous in the, "Why don't people like me as much as they like her?" kind of way. Silly. I know.
8. I haven't finished college. As a matter of fact, I have spent so many years putting off going back that I will have to start completely over.
9. Connected to number eight, I am pridefully peeved about having to retake Comp 101 when I do return to school. Really? I didn't need Comp 101 the first time I took it. Why do I need it now?
10. Due to an encouraging note from my beautiful friend, Louise, I am going to write a letter to Nikki Giovanni. I have raved about her for years, loved her to the ends of me and back, and I always figure, "Why would a great woman like her care about a silly poet like me?" But, ya know what, everyone likes to know that they have touched someone's life. If my letter makes it to her, she will know how she has shaped mine.