Well, Day 4 was the hardest yet. A wonderful woman, a woman who meant so much to so many, passed away suddenly, yesterday afternoon. She was doing what she did best, helping at church - working with the 6th and 7th graders. She slumped over into her husband's arms and never came back. The doctor said her heart "exploded." This doesn't surprise me. Debbie was so full of God. I cannot imagine she could fit all of that love inside her one human heart, no matter how big that heart was (and Debbie had a HUGE heart). She was too good for this world.
Please pray for her family. She left behind her husband (an amazing man in his own right), two grown sons and a daughter who is expecting her first child soon.
Corey was with the family all day, and I was home with the kids. You know what I wanted to do. I wanted to retreat. Comfort food and a good book are how I deal with grief. Instead, I kept the Internet up almost all day so I could chat with some of the teenagers and other church members. I spent hours catching up with an old friend. I hugged Haydn a lot. He and I talked about Jesus and Heaven.
I keep expecting this to UNhappen. You know what I mean? Someone will say, "No, not Debra PARTIN. It was Debra InsertLastNameHere, who was 97 years old and bedridden down at SuchAndSuch Nursing Home. This was all a huge misunderstanding." I know in my head this isn't going to happen, but my heart is a whole other story.
Quite honestly, none of it makes sense to any part of me. Much like Natalie being diagnosed with stomach cancer at 33, I cannot fathom Debbie's heart giving out at 46 with no history of such. I cannot adjust my thinking to a world where she is not. This morning, I expected to find her holding the door as I followed Haydn up to Sunday School. That is where I normally saw her each week. Half the time, I would stop there, as Haydn went on to class, and I would just talk to Debbie and Wes and whoever else happened along. Debbie could always make me laugh, and she always made me feel like I belonged right where I am. I adopt a mama (or 2 or 3) most places we move, and I felt sure Debbie was my Mama in Tupelo. Her home was so warm and open. She planned to teach me to crochet. I was hoping she could do that over Lent, when I was not spending all of my free time reading. She had even asked if she could keep my boys sometime, so that I could go on one of the youth trips with Corey. Not many people are willing to take on BOTH of my boys. It just didn't phase her.
Last night, when Corey got home and I finally turned off Facebook and settled into my husband's comfort, he played praise music while I lay on the floor and just thought about Debbie.
I miss her already. I would happily never read again, if we could have her back. I doubt she would stand for that though. She was bookish, like me. I actually have her copy of Servant of the Bones by Anne Rice. I kept forgetting to return it. Now, I think I will print my Debra poem for the front cover and keep that book forever.