Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Grown-Up Kind of Evening

Last night, one of the youth babysat for me. We have some of the most generous teenagers, and I am very grateful. It is going to be a long year, Corey's final year of seminary, and time to myself is a commodity. I was nervous because the last time we left the kids with sitters, Haydn had one of his full-on Aspie meltdowns. However, I prepared him in advance for this event - no surprises. It was lovely to spend an evening out with no problems.

I drove to Oxford, about an hour away, to go to a book signing. Joshilyn and I met when we were both members of Momwriters, years ago. I remember the excitement over her first book, Gods in Alabama. I went to her signing in Jackson that year. I also attended her signing in Jackson when she published Between, Georgia. Due to my work hours, I missed her event for The Girl Who Stopped Swimming and she didn't come near here for Backseat Saints. It was lovely to see her again. I always enjoy her reading voice and the way she explains the creative process. The way we birth stories is similar, though not exactly the same of course. It was a fun evening with great conversation around a table at City Grocery before driving home to start reading.

I really needed to sleep. I have been sick and Corey was out of town and there was school today... You know the routine. I crawled into bed at 9 and planned to read till 10. At 11, I forced myself to close the cover and go to sleep. Well, I tried to sleep. Thanks to my cough medicine, I was actually awake more than asleep. I may as well have stayed up reading. But, I am trying to get some things done today so I can disappear into the story for a while longer this afternoon. I finished the third chapter of my work in progress and picked up some reference books from the library. I want to get my setting just right. I hate inconsistencies in books.

I'd like to offer you something deeper. I have a blog in my head (The Parable of the Ugly Spoon Rest), but I am foggy-headed from cough medicine and sleep-deprived as well. Hopefully I will have my wits about me by the end of the week. I don't like it when my life swims around me like a dream.

HT

Monday, January 30, 2012

Six Places


Six Places

{1}  Kentucky - I was born in eastern Kentucky. It is home. We moved from there when I was four, but we went back often. I was able to visit last summer, and it brought up all sorts of things. My body felt like the vines of history twined around each limb. Poetry poured forth after my visit. I want to go back this summer. I'd really like to take my boys there. You understand a person better when you see where they come from. My grandmother's white house is a part of me. The winding roads and dirt hollers map my heart.

{2} Rocky Road - When we left Kentucky, we moved to Hopkins. First, there was trailer #13 in McDonald's Mobile Home Park and then, a year later, there was the single-wide on Rocky Road. We lived there from the time I was five until just before my 13th birthday. Rocky Road houses my childhood. I had chicken pox there. Wendy and I played house, dressed our Barbies, put on plays. Ashley and I have a picture of us, sitting on the front steps, my baby sister between us. I insisted I was going to ice skate there (roller skates + snow = why did Mom say no?). That's where we lived when Dad left, when I cried all day on my pink bedspread. My baby sister arrived on Rocky Road. My Papaw died there. The trailer now sits empty, windows broken, lot overgrown.

{3} Lower Richland High School - The sidewalk by the library: that's where Brian kissed me for the very first time. It was the first time I was kissed by a boy I wanted to kiss me, and it was magical.  The "Diamond" where my friends and I spent our lunches for four years: it no longer exists. They put a building on top of our place. Mr. Latham's class: where I learned I did NOT want to be a journalist after all, but I did want to write. He and Mr. Martin were my writing encouragers. I owe them a lot. The football field: homecoming in the rain. The computer lab where I spent hours with Lynn, preparing the school literary magazine: who knew she would be dead in just five years. She left me her words on so many pages. The psyche class where Pat doodled in my book and took my picture: he lived two years after high school. I found so many diamonds in that mine.

{4} Temple Baptist Church - I accepted Christ in that gym. It was painted two shades of blue. I met my husband there, though I'd have never guessed it at the time. Eric and I, kissing in the hall before VBS. Luke, his brother... yeah, I wasn't the best behaved teenager. But, I had friends there - drama and pain, but friends too. Kim and Rebecca and Karen and Dustin and so many others. Pat walking me to the sanctuary, one arm around my shoulders, ever the gentleman. George Porter smiling so big. Phil Chappell with the orange tiger paw on his glasses, flirting like only an old man can flirt and get away with it. Pool parties and pizza and just what did Jesus want from me. Trey baptized me there, and both of my parents came.

{5} Pilgrim's Way - God got us there through Ashley's sister forging a note so she could ride home on the bus with me. I took my first communion there, once I realized it wasn't real wine. I worshiped the teenagers and their lock-ins. Mom sang. She met her husband there. She married him and, later, Preacher married Corey and I before the same altar. I learned to read my Bible in Peggy's Sunday School class, where I sat next to Pam.  Ms Anne offered a dollar for each commandment I could learn. The very next week, I recited all ten, thankyouverymuch. Now, it's where my Uncle Greg's body rests, near Preacher and Ms Virginia. The empty cemetery now holds too many friends.

{6} Target - It isn't there anymore. Rather, the building I worked in isn't there. It was bulldozed and rebuilt. Newer, cleaner, bigger, better. I suppose. I answered the telephones, and I could see clear across the store from my little desk by the fitting rooms. I met Joey there. Summer and Marcielle taught me more than just zoning and pricing and replacing watch batteries. Honestly, there is too much in my gut to write this one down. I suppose, I grew up there. That's all.

Friday, January 27, 2012

30 in 30 - Wrap Up

The day got off to a bad start with the case of the disappearing diamond. When I went to bed, I left my wedding band and engagement ring on the nightstand. Normally, I put them in the bathroom before sleeping, but I was already in bed when I took them off. I can't sleep in them anymore, not since pregnancy #1. My hand goes numb when I try. Well, I picked up the band this morning and could not find the engagement ring. I have torn the room apart and have no idea how it could have gone anywhere. But, I am choosing to be calm. In a day or two, I will stumble upon it, right under my nose, I am sure. Instead of panicking, I took David to school. He helped me with my 30 Random Acts of Kindness by taking a Dr Pepper to his teacher and little treat bags of homemade yumminess to his principal and the school secretary.

My next stop was Starbucks. I ordered myself an apple chai. One of our youth, Josh, suggested I try one, and it was quite heavenly. I always drank vanilla chai when I was a Borders barista (RIP lovely bookstore), and I love apple cider, so the drink was pretty much meant for me. I ordered my drink and also purchased a $5 gift card. When I first walked in, no one was in line behind me, and I wondered who i would give the card to. However, an older man got in line behind me before my transaction was complete, and he seemed positively tickled when I handed him the card.

From there, it was home to make a plan for the morning. But, first, I stuck a candle in one of the chocolate pumpkin muffins I made for the goody baskets. I found the recipe on Pinterest, where I find most of my recipes as of late. It was so simple, and it felt crazy to not add milk, eggs, butter, etc... The two ingredients are cake mix and a 15 oz can of pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling, pureed pumpkin). You just mix it all up and fill the muffin cups with batter. Unlike cupcake batter, you actually fill the cups all the way up for these. It made exactly 12 delicious muffins. I blew out the candle after making my wish, but I still have not eaten the muffin. I have been running all day. It will probably be breakfast in the morning (don't you judge me. It is fruit, right?) Tonight, for dessert, there is tiramasu that I brought home from lunch.

Haydn helped me load the car full of trash bags we have filled over the last month. The boys selected toys to donate, including a box of K'nex that went to Haydn's therapy office. I cleaned out my closet and the craft room. I was ruthless with myself. I no longer own anything with an empire waist. So, there. No one else should have reason to ask when my baby is due. *wink* We also filled the car with baskets of baked goods, a box full of children's books (to be shipped to the Chocktaw Mission), a stack of books inscribed "in memory of Natalie Rose York," and other random materials to make the day a success.

We stopped at the church first. I dropped a stack of postcards in the out box. Those will go to a handful of youth. I love sending them little cards just to say, "hey, I'm thinking of you today." We also taped a bag of change to the soda machine, stocked Corey's fridge with Coke Zero and Mountain Dew Voltage, and delivered a basket of cookies and muffins to the janitorial staff. Those men and women care for the house of God and do not get thanked nearly enough. The basket in the picture is the one we dropped off at the library, but they all looked about the same.

We made it to the post office next. We always go to the downtown branch, because it is next door to the church and one block from the library. That just makes it insanely convenient. The same man and woman are always behind the counter, and I look forward to chatting with them each time we visit. I ship things often. I love getting snail mail, so I try to send snail mail as much as possible. I also do some Amazon trade-ins and resells, not to mention swapping paperbacks through Bookmooch. With family and friends spread all over the world, the post office is my friend. So, we stopped there to ship the aforementioned box of books, and Haydn gavel boxes of cookies to each of the postal workers. He loved getting to do that. I loved seeing the grin on his face as he gave gifts to others.

Next stop: the library, where we delivered the basket of treats and donated a bag of books for the Friends of the Library bookstore. Also, we donated a game called Booktastic. The library here does a monthly board game night. I have had Booktastic since I found it at Borders when I worked there, years ago. Corey and I played it one time (and he beat me, go figure), so I decided the library would be a better home for it. We also put a dollar in the fund for those who need to print but are short on change. I planned to put inspirational bookmarks in random books, but I forgot the bookmarks. Also, after we drove away, I realized I had forgotten to put my coupons in the library coupon baskets.

Well, I had an extra basket of goodies with no specific recipient planned, so I decided to be even more random than we already were. We stopped at CVS. I used to be one of those weekly CVS shoppers who always paid with Extra Bucks and had a billion coupons. Homeschooling ended that for me. I got out of the routine and never have gotten back into it. However, I still run into CVS for this and that, and I see one particular cashier on a regular basis. She is kind and helpful and always remembers who I am. So, we took her the basket of goodies. Then, since I still had those coupons, I walked up and down aisles, leaving coupons next to their product. Hopefully that will help a handful of strangers. I left one of the Nattie books there, as well.

On our way to Walmart, we stopped to donate the bags of stuff from the trunk and backseat. Then, inside Walmart, I left quarters on the claw machines and in the gumball machines by the exit doors. We dropped off a few more coupons near their items and also left a Nattie book in the bathroom and another Nattie book on top of one of the candy machines.

Our last stop of the day was the Dollar Tree. I picked up a few things (including a couple of audio books, because how can you pass up audio books for a dollar) and we hid dollar bills in the toy aisle. I hope some kid found them and had his day made. It was hard not to hide out and watch to see who found them and how they reacted. Haydn bought himself a pack of magic playing cards (magic is a current obsession) and decided to do his own act of kindness by buying a pack for his brother as well. I am very proud of him. He had a rough day yesterday, due to his brand new airplane (purchased with his own money) getting blown into the road and then run over by a car. If it tells you anything, my little aspie boy let me hold him while he cried. Letting someone cuddle him is reserved for the worst pains.

Corey met us at the house and handed me a birthday card that uses Star Wars music to call me old. Classic. Also, he gave me an Olive Garden gift card and sent me to lunch by myself. It has been so long since I went out to eat with my book for a date. It is one of my most favorite things. I left the final Nattie book in the bathroom before being seated and ordering my usual (cheese ravioli with meat sauce). I disappeared into The Passion of Mary-Margaret (Lisa Samson is one of the exceptions of my typical aversion to Christian fiction, but that is for another post) and then ordered dessert to go and tipped the rest of the gift card to my server before driving back home.

Haydn and I made cocoa balls (a recipe I found in the Everything Kid's Cookbook) and filled a little mailbox shaped tin. I left that in the mailbox this morning, flag up, for our mailman. He is always so nice to Haydn and even left Haydn a Christmas present. After picking David up from school, we saw the flag down, so we figure he got those. There was a box on the stoop, a package from my friend Ashley. She and I have known each other since I was 6 and she was 3. We lost touch for a while in middle/high school but then she managed to track me down again, and I am so glad she did. It is amazing how some friendships just are. No matter time or distance, they just are. Ash sent me 30 happies for my 30th birthday. Yes, I am spoiled. But, I am a very GRATEFUL spoiled.

I just finished  along phone call with my mama, whom I adore, and now I am going to order some Papa John's (my favorite pizza) and play a game of In a Pickle with my boys. Here are some other pictures to chronicle my 30th. Now, go do something nice for someone else. You will be so glad you did!






HT


Friday Felicities: My Birthday Edition

It has been a while since I posted my Felicities. I was posting "Multitudes on Monday" for quite a while and the two lists were often the same. I am still keeping my 1000 Gifts list, but I am no longer typing them up once a week. So, it seems a good time to return to my dear friend, Natalie, and her Friday Felicities...




Friday Felicities

Chocolate pumpkin muffins
Apple chai from Starbucks
Successfully completing 30 Random Acts of Kindness today
Birthday cards from family
Constant texts, tweets and FB messages to tell me happy birthday
Blog readers that make my spirit soar
Our church building, early in the morning
Fat pen refills, at last
An email David sent me from school today
The boys helping me bake this week
Lunch with a good book at my favorite place

HT

PS I miss you, Nattie-Pie.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

30 for 30 - Let the Party Begin

When my parents were my age, they had a three year old. Little me, with my white skin and black hair, their little china doll. That's what people called me back then. I had three years left to be an only child. In other words, my mom wasn't finished having babies. Me? My youngest is seven, and he will be the last Truett baby unless God moves in a mighty way.

Look at me, rocking' my feathers well before the trend.


I don't fear thirty. I am not approaching that number with any dread or trepidation. I doubt it will be so much different from 29. Before I know it, 30 will pass to 31 and 32 and 33 and so on. Or else it won't. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, is it?

Alright, before I grow morbid...

I blogged earlier this month about my plans for my thirtieth birthday. It will be a busy weekend for my minister man, so I decided to take the celebration into my own hands. My birthday just so happens to fall on Friday this year. Friday is traditionally pizza and a movie for our family. We will be having Papa John's, because it is my favorite. And I get to pick the movie, of course. 



Also, the boys and I will be doing 30 Random Acts of Kindness. Originally, the plan was to do all 30 items on my list on my actual birthday, the 27th. However, timing has worked out so that we started today. I have been baking a lot, prepping baskets of goodies to go here and there. I found the most adorable little mail box shaped tin at Target. We will fill that with yummies and leave it in our real mailbox for our mailman. Haydn and David sorted toys and donated many. Today, Haydn took a box of K'Nex to his therapy office, along with cookies for his two main therapists. I mailed a surprise to a friend today. "Just because" cards are in envelopes, already stamped and addressed. They can go in the mail Friday morning. We have a box of cookies for our trash collectors, if we can catch them in the morning. I will photograph some things, but some are private kindnesses that no one need know about.

All in all, I am having the best birth week I have had in a long time. Normally, I countdown to the big day as though something really amazing is bound to happen. There is no way not to be disappointed when Jesus Himself doesn't part the clouds to present my cake and watch me blow out the candles. This year, however, my mind is mostly not on myself. I'm having fun baking and planning and gathering supplies.

If you want to give me a birthday present, please do something kind this week. Hold a door for someone whose arms are full. Pay for the food of the person behind you in a drive-thru line. Make an effort to smile at the people you pass while doing your routine errand running. Say thank you to the people who rarely garner the notice of those around them. 

May you be blessed and be a blessing.

HT





A Narrow View of Verse



I actually managed to participate in a Tweet Speak Poetry Party last night. I missed the last few, and it took me a few prompts to get going, but I had so much fun. I found myself drawn to rhyming couplets for some reason. They're not my usual style, but they just kept popping up. The compilation poems will appear on the Tweet Speak blog soon. For now, here are my lines from last night:

Listening to a voice sing whiskey and gin, 
thinking about you growing up back then


Spinning our rhymes on the world wide web 
of verse and song, 
typing and singing all night long.


We plant these seeds and they grow into children and who are they? 
Them or us? 
Is the farmer his farm? The singer his song?


Tomorrow, maybe, I'll turn over a new leaf. Or, instead, perhaps 
I'll prop up the old one and hide in the weeds.


The leaves shed their green dresses, dawned red ones, then yellow, 
then they dried up 
and danced away.
Now, I am left with cold and empty trees, 
and I wonder if spring 
will really come. Am I waiting 
on nothing?


She has forgotten more than I will ever experience. 
Her brain spins webs I can only imagine. 
She is high above me, and I dream that she 
could love me.


I don't like the taste of alcohol, but I like the sounds of the names. 
I like saying Mimosa and Tall Gin Fizz and Sex on the Beach. 
I like the look of a martini glass with an olive and no ice, 
but I'd rather drink a Diet Coke, a glass of water, a V8 Splash.


Will her words come my way again? 
Did I say too much, spill out my broken heart 
too soon?


I try to be grown up, but I'm really barely two.


Today, my house smelled like a brown-sugared heaven 
with meat in the crockpot and Nikki's voice reading poetry.


How do I teach my son to write words 
that play across his paper and make him smile? 
Words are rocks to him. He throws them at me. 
Words are plants that grow in me and their flowers spill over, 
blossoms on the edges of my life.
The stems reach up to the stars. The petals float 
over my body like lace. Green leaves are my mystery.
I hand my son the soft petaled words of flowers 
and he rips the pretty things to shreds, spits them back at me 
like bullets.


It's so hard to keep my mouth shut lately.
Something inside me is screaming to be heard, 
to be right, to be 
to be to be to be...


Sometimes, 
the words paint my skin like lace, 
delicate tendrils of silk falling 
across bare breasts and hips and thighs. 
No one to see 
past shame.


Open your mouth, here, 
take this flame, lick it with your tongue, 
taste the fire of a moment, 
come alive.


I am a girl named Fire. I burn.
I am a girl called Flame. 
I burn my name.
Lava on my legs, lava pouring down 
and coming up and traveling 
through the night, burning away 
on the girl named Fire.
Magma, boiling deep down, 
pit of my stomach churning, preparing 
for the eruption that will end it, 
make it all, all of it finally
go away.


I framed her words on my wall.
I look at them and think, me? 
she wrote to me? But then 
the day takes over, 
waves on the broken shore.



My hopes are delicate and still somehow strong. 
They have survived all kinds of rejection. 
They still love to dance in the darkness.



A teacher told me once
that vases symbolize womanhood, 
empty and needing to be filled... 
up. 
I choose instead to shatter the glass.
Empty Vase he called me. Seventeen 
and oh so sure of who I was. 
I defied his need to define me.
Come on now, teacherman, 
tell me again that I am empty and I will spill 
out all over you, magma to lava to your own 
pompeii.
 I fill my own vase, thank you Mr. Teacherman. 
I fill my vase with roses and daisies and tiger lilies too. 
And who are you
but your own kind of empty, 
angry when we refused 
to fill you.
Mr Teacherman, you told me the moon
in poetry always symbolizes 
sex, and I still think you
have a narrow view
of verse.


My slippers are red and my road home is yellow. 
My twister is a 9-year-old smart little fellow.


Sorcery on the screen, scripture in his hands, 
poetry on the paper and strewn across the lands.


His smile was liquid hurt. 
It spilled over his lips like lava, 
burning up my eyes. He was the prize.
He was the ebony dagger I tried to buy in Mexico 
when I was only 16. 
He was the end of me. I was his queen.


He wrapped me up in thorny vines. I held his heart so close to mine.
I moved carefully, untangling vines, tripping my way while dodging mines.


Where is my tropical jungle of a man, 
the one who broke my heart with the dagger of his smile, 
the temptation in his smirk?


I am sitting on the edge of my broken memory, 
feet swinging, legs dangling, 
heart finally free.


He was sex walking and talking in the world, 
and I was just a lonely and broken little girl.
I was sweetly tart, oblivious, unknown to him for time... 
for time and time and time again, 
until I gave in.


She the poison, I the darling little anecdote, 
now that you have poisoned me, 
you became my antidote, my story to tell, 
my own little hell.


Most days, I never even think of you, but some days I do
The earth bubbles up beneath my feet, 
and I turn to greet
your memory, the old you alone
always waiting
forever waiting
for me.


I was the tiny little rosebud, and you 
forced my blossom much too soon. 
Good thing my God is practiced 
in the art of resurrection.


In my dreams I built you palaces
and pyramids of stone
where angels sang you home.
I painted rainbows on the palace floor, 
but no one lives there anymore. 
Polychrome has gathered up her skirts 
and journeyed home.
And now, a thousand songs lighter, 
I can lie on my back, gaze at the stars, 
pop the bubbles and dream of mars.


You stretched my skin out on your loom, 
wove your love like a fresh tattoo, 
till I was forced to scream 
and give in to you.


It was a violent sort of sorrow 
that held me at your tomb. 
I dreamed a violent sort of morrow 
for the baby in my womb.
There were fairy tales 
for you to tell, 
but you left us here, 
I birthed new hell.


Sometimes the words teach me things I never knew before.


I cannot know for sure how I feel about a thing
until I've taken pen in hand
and tried to make its memory sing.


Poetry, my medicine, 
the only cure and also the root 
of my private disease.


You perfumed by sleep with dreams of suicide,
trees on the dark road, driving alone 
in the middle of the night.


Echoes of who we were together 
show up in the day to day revelation of my work. 
I am always studying you. 
LostLoveology. Let's say adieu. 
LostLoveology. Let's say adieu.


I am one of the Weird Sisters. 
My caldron bubbles with this perfume.


Do not say the name. 
The Scottish play, 
the dead girl Ophelia, 
she breathes again.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dear David



Lately, you are quick to be defensive and negative. I hate that for you, though I recognize why you fall into such  pattern. Your big brother is often extremely negative. He is supposed to be your role model. On top of that, you are seven at the same time as your mother is turning thirty and struggling to launch a writing career while homeschooling your brother and supporting your Daddy in his last year of seminary. In other words, life is tough right now.

You are not a negative person. I know this. I see your huge heart in your teary eyes whenever you feel hurt. You are sensitive and, usually, very kind. The notes teachers send home speak of your creativity and your enthusiasm for learning. I love that, David. If you love to learn, you'll never stop growing, searching, expanding. If you love to learn, the whole world is handed to you on a platter. Life is your buffet; serve yourself.

Right now, you probably feel left out a lot. You go to public school while your brother stays home with me. Your dad and I have discussed bringing you home as well. I have prayed over it a lot. You are blossoming in the public school environment though. You come home excited everyday. You talk about your friends and what you are learning. You are such a social creature, and though I could make a bigger effort to keep you in social situations despite no classroom full of 15 kids, I don't see the point in fixing what isn't broken. You love school and school loves you, so I leave you where you are for now. I promise, schooling decisions are not things we take lightly. You are where you are because we love you and feel it is best for you.

I know you miss your sister. You are still too little to grasp the hugeness of that situation. You pray for her, and I feel the heaviness in your little boy heart. I wish I could carry that for you, but I cannot. The missing of Savannah is yours to hold. The ache to have her around is something you will carry into manhood. It will affect how you treat others and how you handle separation from those you love. In short, the hurts of childhood shape the person in adulthood, so I have to let you feel those hurts. If I carry them all for you, how will you ever learn to walk without holding my hand.

I hope, one day, you will come home to visit. With you will be a young wife and a new baby. I will hold that little bundle and coo and say, "Son, he looks just like you." Your wife will say, "Tell me about David when he was little," and I will tell her so many stories. I'll tell her how you once told a teacher that you couldn't quit talking because your mouth just had "so much information." I will tell her about your first tee ball game and how you rode on a float in the Christmas parade in Tupelo and once put a twenty dollar bill in the offering plate at church because the air conditioner was broken and you wanted to help them fix it. I will overflow with stories that show you to be...

silly
smart
friendly
generous
thoughtful
kind

you... exactly the you God intends you to be.

Mom

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